I Only Write In Here When I'm Introspective

Time for a life update. There's a whole lot I want to say about the way my life is at the moment.

I'm in search of a new car because Lola is on her last leg. I went car shopping today with him and I had an amazing time bickering with him about American cars versus Foreign and large versus small. He said I need to drive a car that exudes that sexy CEO thing I've got going (then later grabbed my ass). He left before I did, but when I got out to my car I saw a note written on the back of a CVS receipt that said "Looooooove You. Hope you had a great time." One day, no matter if it's 40 years from now, I'm going to marry that boy. I've never said this in it's entirety to myself but when I say things like this eventually it happens. I'm known to have good luck (for the most part).

I've spent the last two weekends out of state, in Philadelphia mostly. I would really love to move there. Philadelphia is slowly becoming the place I call home--it's the place all my friends are, the parties, the food I love to eat, the places I love to be. I'm starting to know all the roads, the neighborhoods, and the acquaintances. While I may complain and bitch sometimes, I always look back on every day I spend in Philadelphia as phenomenal. Philadelphia is the one place I know that there's always someone to hang out with and a place to sleep. Man, I love that city and less and less seems to be keeping me in Baltimore.

While I'm in Philadelphia, I feel so care free. Mind you, I come back to piles & piles of work, but whatever, I'll get to it. There's so much more to be doing. Earlier this month me & Blair went to Detroit, the entire trip lasted 50 hours. This past weekend I was in Philadelphia a total of 40 hours. The amount of things me and Blair packed into such a short amount of time was remarkable. Fuck sleep, fuck healthy food, living life is all that matters.

I say shit like that, stay up til 6AM dancing on a roof, drive 12 hours just to see a new city and awesome friends, sit around in a park listening to Senses Fail at 1AM and hop on a bus at 9PM to go to a different city, but this weekend for the first time I was told I wasn't fun. I've known this, and the person said it mostly in jest, but it hit me a bit hard. I have too good of a head on my shoulder to partake in truly stupid behavior. I've danced on bars, ran through sprinklers, and countless other silly things, but I'm too smart to send nudes, drive over 100 MPH, or drink until I throw up. I know this doesn't make for the best stories in the world, but I know I can wake up in the morning and look at myself. I'm too calculated to fuck up my life permanently. I know that may be perceived as un-fun (in addition to my hatred of comedies, holidays, children and pets), and sometimes I really wish I could be the girl stealing for the hell of it, jumping over, off or onto something, or even having a drink, but that's not the person I am. I'm the responsible one. The one that even with a spontaneous 12 hour road trip I've already planned every hour, the cost, bought tickets, printed directions and have multiple back up plans. For the most part, I really like that about myself but sometimes I don't know...

That being said, I'm marriage material because of it. I joked recently that a women has a few jobs--to be useful and to be hot. I pride myself in being useful (and hot). I'm the girl that carries tissues, mints, forks, blankets, ponchos and and endless assortment of other just in case items, like your mom when you were little and you had a tummy ache and Tums miraculously came out of her bag or your sweater you were supposed to take but didn't. I love taking care of people and being able to help people. Now that I have a better job, I'm the type of person that will foot a bill if need be and has emergency money just in case. I'm starting to get a little tired of paying for everything, but if I ever want to go anywhere it's kind of how it has to be. So many of my friends are in hard financial states right. I've become the one that makes sure people have rides home and get places safely, and stops people from doing the stupid shit that I wish I could do sometimes. I don't know when I became the friend that people go to when they can't pay their rent, need help with school, or when they need a job reference, but it makes me feel so grown up and scares me a bit, but I think I like it most of the time. Hopefully I don't let everyone down.

I'm a simple girl. I like playing board games, eating ice cream and watching movies in my pajamas. I'm a morning person and love watching the sunrise & set (which I can cross off my life list). If it were up to me everything would happen in the afternoon because I don't even like night time that much. If I had it my way, I'd rarely leave the house and would sit around with a boy cooking & cleaning for him, and having great sex. I've come to discover that's all I need in my life. Everything I do is to get my dream job and my dream boy one day, but I'm getting tired so I wish both would hurry up and get here. It's a bit hard when you're not the type of girl a guy wants to date but you are the girl a guy should marry. I think I should just start hitting on 30-somethings, 20-somethings aren't cutting it. I wish I didn't feel so old sometimes.

While we're on the topic of boys, in the last 2 weeks two things have happened. First off, I've been truly put in the friend zone. Not the, we're gonna hook up but never date because we're friends zone, but the honest to God Friend Zone. I'll be honest and say I thought I was too hot to be put in the friend zone (because it's never happened before) according to this chart, but I guess it depends on how hot the guy is haha. It's a weird feeling but I guess I'll have to deal with it, no other choice because he's a great kid, but shit can change when a girl is in the friend zone not when a guy is, so we'll see.

The other thing I learned, after spending an obscene amount of time listening to The Gaslight Anthem in Motor City (sorry, Alexa for not listening to them sooner), I've decided I want an All-American boy. A boy that says "yes, ma'am" and loves his mother, one that drives a pick up trucks, drinks whiskey, plays football and smokes cigarette. One that wears plaid & Levi's, covered in tattoos, plays an acoustic guitar and loves America. He also somehow has to be a Democrat and educated but hey it's do-able. He (the boy that went to Car Max with me) ruined this by saying he's most of those qualities, but hey I'm going to marry him eventually anyway so it's not too bad. I'm just into a boy who I can cook, clean and look hot for that can actually fix a car, play a sport, and hold his liquor. Clearly I need to move down south for this, because these Mid-Atlantic boys just ain't cutting it. My boys from the Northern Mid-West, on the other hand, know what's up.

I can keep writing for hours (about school, work, life, bad decisions, and more) but I have to leave for New York in about 6 hours, so I should get some sleep but to sum this up. I love Philadelphia, and love Blair for spending so much time with me, and thinking stupid things are an awesome idea like I do. I love Baltimore, though I may be starting to love Philly more. I love The Gaslight Anthem and All-American boys, and I really do love myself even though sometimes I wish I was a bit more fun. I'm stoked to go back to school soon and wear layers, and to be 21 in a few months and experience what all my favorite cities really have to offer.

Goodnight!