"Been Looking Forward To The Future But My Eyesight Is Going Bad"

June 23 - June 29

June 23 - Woke up at 1AM unbelievably depressed still. Got alot of work done. Then napped from about 4 to 8. Didn't go see Wall*E even though I had screening passes because I didn't think anyone wanted to go with me. Woke up feeling even worse, and did my homework, didn't write one essay out of the four because I was far too tired but I did get to talk to this boy i like all night. Day Overall: 4

June 24 - Woke up a bit late, got to class slightly late. Registered for my second semester course. Finally got a shower and got a whole lot of work done. Felt even worse about myself, played The Sims to blow off some steam before bed around midnight. Day Overall: 4

June 25 - Woke up and I studied for my exam. Ate pancakes for breakfast. Went to class, finished my exam early. Thought it was gonna be a good day. It wasn't. Ended up being upset over God knows what, felt like everyone was sick of me complaining so I took a nap around 6. Woke up all stressed out at midnight, and I didn't see my mommy all day which made me quite upset. I woke up and there was actually food though, and that was exciting! Ate & took care of some things before going back to bed. Day Overall: 4

June 26 - Woke up and attempted to do my homework. We had to debate about immigration. Unfortunately for me I was on the anti-immigration side. Lovely... Did some research and after being offended by several racist sites I was done with that, and grabbed breakfast. The debate in class was quite silly, and I basically ended it by saying that my parents had both been illegal immigrants and I am a citizen because I was born here. Came home and got some work done & ate cinnamon toast crunch. Had a staff meeting, wrote a blog and watch America's Best Dance Crew then bed. Day Overall: 4

June 27 - Woke up, and my daddy gave me a pity invite to King's Dominion last minute. I turned him down and sat around the house all day getting work done, until Meg came over. Cleaned up before mommy got home then took a nap to pass the time. Slept too long, and grabbed some food & worked on the magazine. Day Overall: 4

June 28 - Woke up had the last of the pancakes. Listened to Sherwood on the way to work because that's what I listen to every Saturday morning. Work was silly but I met Wendy from B magazine and gave her my card. Thought it was going to be a good day, got home and my parents actually bought me foooood! :D Zack didn't want to go to Philly with me so I sat around the house. Not so much on the good day. Sad that everyone was out having a good time but me. Got even more upset & had an anxiety attack, so I tried to sleep. Ended up talking to a certain boy for hours, til I fell asleep. Day Overall: 5

June 29 - Woke back up around 6AM because he texted me and we talked some more, and dozed off a bit. Left my cell phone at home and went to visit relatives all day. It was cute for a bit but then it got incredibly annoying, and didn't get home til after 11. To make matters worse I had almost no texts or calls all day, and that made me even more depressed. Made up for all my lost time in 3 hours and grabbed some food and went to bed around 1. Day Overall: 4

I was depressed all this week basically, as if that's anything new. I felt pretty alone all week. A few simple highlights were actually having food to eat. I realized I had absolutely nothing to look forward to, and it made me sad and gave me this intense sense of hopelessness. Sometimes I just need a reason to wake up in the morning that isn't more work.

"Smile For The Camera"

If you ever watched a couple episodes of Charmed, you'll notice that Alyssa Milano's character was never single for more than an episode or two. Whenever a guy left her life a new guy (or sometimes old) would pop in at the most opportune time to replace him.

To alot of people, this seems like it's just scripted up in perfect dream world. I've come to realize my life is very similar to this. Regardless of what's going on, there's always a boy in the back of my mind. Never usually more than one, but always someone to fill up that space.

It's always the most coincidental situations that I never imagine running into the person at, or a random text or phone call, or meeting someone who's always been around but I never noticed.

I think maybe God doesn't want me to be alone. I know that sounds slightly ridiculous, but I truly believe that he knows how hard it is for me to not have a guy around, that he makes sure one is strategically placed around for me at all times. He may just be tormented me, since as you may have noticed I am always single, or maybe he's just waiting for the right time where that perfect boy will come along and things just work out.

I don't know if I see that happening. I think I'm going to be stuck in this permanent loop of failed attempts for eternity, maybe I really fucked up in my past life and God's just punishing me? Who knows...

Maybe I'm just living in my own little TV show, and it's all planned Armor For Sleep style...

P.S. - Sort of on topic... if I was a Sim I wonder what aspiration I would have...?

http://high-low-die-ho.livejournal.com/51972.html

<3

"At Least Pretend You Didn't Wanna Get Caught..."

June 16 - June 22

June 16 - No idea what I did all day Monday. What I do know is that I didn't get to see FTSK, and I really wanted to and I heard about it from a million people the next day. I think I was also quite anti-social for the day but no idea. I might have picked up Meg and took her to Towson, but I can't remember... Picked the new staff and had all kinds of issues with that, I believe I went to bed pretty early. Day Overall: 5

June 17 - Still no clue, worked some more probably. Search for a NY girl because the girl I had lined up couldn't do it. Might have wrote my appeal letter then but, but not sure. Went to class that morning at some time. It rained at some point, but then the sun came out and it was really pretty :). That's all I've got... Day Overall: 5

June 18 - Class at some point that morning. Came home, did stuff, probably worked some more. Went to Sonar with Zack! I heart Zack a whole bunch. Show was a lot of fun. Everyone cleared out after Holiday Parade who sounded like Cartel without that special pop and without the epic-ness, and without most of the goodness, but maybe they're better on CD. Trashy girl got hit on by Evan. I got called milk chocolate, and also said by Shawn "I don't know where you live, I just know you're from the east coast." Made plans with the boys for the next time they're in town in August. A few too many silly girls, got sung to from stage for a split. Danced around with Christopher afterwards. CONFETTI!! Danced a whole bunch. Some slight to moderate flirting. This is so out of order, obviously. I love Chicago boys. Peaced after a bit longer and went to McDonalds and Zack paid for me because they didn't take credit WTF!?! Yummy food though so yay for that haha. Eventually made it home, went to sleep because I had class in the AM. :) Day Overall: 8

June 19 - No idea what I did today either. Class at some point, probably worked on the magazine or the website or the staff. Got increasingly more and more depressed & stressed as the week persisted. Took a nap, and watched America's Best Dance Crew that night. Day Overall: 5

June 20 - Sent messages to the first round of bands. Realized this was a big moment in my life right when I started... Was sad because I wasn't gonna get to see my favorite band EVER because I was afraid to drive in the city. Stephani came over and I realized my boobies grew more than I thought they did, so we went to Target to buy me a new bathing suit, which cost me a total of 7 bucks hah, woo! Forgot that I asked Mo for a ride to see my fave band! So we went to Dew Action Tour and watched the BMXers which was excellent. Then GC went on, OMG OMG!! Didn't matter what they played, I got to see them, and I was so excited. Didn't stay for the whole set but it was okay, I had work in the AM anyway. Bed time after I got home. Day Overall: 7

June 21 - Woke up and went to work at 9am. It was a good time except this freak republican talking about how he sends letters to the government and goes skiing... whatevs. After work I took a nap forever, well until like 6:30 or so when I got up and showered and got cute to go pick up Meg. I drove to Fletcher's! Didn't hit anything in the city and Meg had to park for me which didn't work much bette than me parking hahaha. Boys on bikes hit on us, but they're on bikes and they don't drive and that's a problem hahaha. Went to the show, guestlist, woo! Danced a bit for TCK. I like those boys a whole whole lot. Apathy is fabulous live, called them out about talking shit. Didn't play any songs from the one CD... wonder why? When will everyone realize that I'm fucking right! Peaced after Apathy, then got lost, ended up in Dundalk, made it to Denny's. Dinner time, had wings. Renee was working! :D The Hurn family sans Jeff came in also. Got home, got upset, texted Zack a whole whole lot to vent. Texted Mo. Tried to go to bed. My heart beats very fast when I'm trying to sleep. This one boy texted me, told him I was a big mess. Asked if I wanted him to come over, I said no, then eventually said yes. Came over at 2:30, hung out in my basement. We cuddled for two hours and I told him why I was so upset. Started to cry, I hate crying. He held me and listened to my heart beat, we kissed and a little more... Told me I need to take care of myself. He makes me incredibly happy... while he's around, but for now that has to be good enough because not a lot makes me happy anymore. Finally in bed about 4:30 Quote of the Day: (While kissing my eyelids) "You're too beautiful to cry." | Day Overall: 9

June 22 - More work in the AM, this time an hour later and I didn't know so I got an extra hour of sleep, woo! Made myself breakfast as a part of taking care of myself. Work was slow, but that's alright. Spent th whole day texting him, which was very nice. Got home and took a nap, took a bubble bath like he told me I needed to, took another nap, felt terrible for sleeping all day long. but too depressed to wake up. Day Overall: 4

I've been talking to him so much more lately. It makes it hard, but it's nice to be so close to him. I feel like I'm torn a million different ways with all kinds of emotions. Like pieces of me are everywhere and I don't have the time to put them back together. I'm literally fragmented. I'm working on making time to defragment haha. Meg was gone all week in Canada and I really missed her, but I got two see Zack twice in a week and I saw my two best friends in the same day! That doesn't happen too often. I don't understand my emotions or myself much anymore. I'm not sure how I'm going to react in certain situations and I can't stop myself from crying when I want to say fuck you. My emotions are out of whack and so am I, and eventually I'll fix it? I hope? Maybe... eventually.

"You're Gonna Die In Somebody Else's Arms"

June 9 - June 15

June 9 - My mom makes me get up at 6AM to go buy milk & eggs. So annoyed, caused a spiral of bad days from a thrown off sleep schedule. I did have music thanks to Mo :), so I could listen to Dashboard. Back to bed and wake up around 11? Watch Tyra and work on Scene Trash. Took a shower and ate some Cinnamon Toast Crunch then went to visit Meg. Went home and worked the rest of the night until I crashed around 11. Day Overall: 5

June 10 - Woke up cold, tired & cranky. Couldn't get into my room because my uncle was sleeping in there, so I looked icky and couldn't shower. Went to class annoyed. Asked the cute boys in my class to lunch, but he was busy. Picked up my mommy then went home and worked on the magazine and such. VA, Every Avenue show sold out, but I did get a text back from every band boy I texted, so that was nice to see. Got annoyed with a certain boy, and attempted to take a nap. Woke up around 1AM, then back to sleep til 9. Day Overall: 6

June 11 - Woke up feeling gross like usual. Meg came over after class, and we went to Rita's. I texted Joshy because I missed him and thought of him, then had a staff meeting. Afterwards, I took a "nap" that lasted for 7 hours, but woke up to so many texts, messages, emails, orders, etc. Up til like 4AM working on the magazine and watching bad VH1 specials and texting Zack even though he was asleep haha. Day Overall: 5

June 12 - Woke up an hour later than planned an rushed and got ready. Zack tried to drive me drinking lol. Showered, got dressed, wrote a paper, and ate breakfast, and got to class on time. Got into an argument with my dumb sociology teacher because he says people don't behave logically which makes no sense. Feeling sad in class because I feel like the only logical person in the world Picked up Meg later and went to Recher she criticized the way I drive to Recher lol. Got there and Good Luck Elijah was already on, they weren't terrible. The show was less than spectacular, def. Arlington Sleeps was fucking amazing though. Chatted with my favorite cute security guard for a while, avoided dumb blondes. Me, Meg & Zack went to Denny's after and me & Meg jammed out to "Stick, Stones, and Techno" which is one of the best local songs EVER haha. Dinner was unbelievably silly! Meg drank syrup. Best part, JILF! or "Man up, bitch!" Drove Meg home then crashed even though I need to work on the magazine. Day Overall: 7 | Quote of the Day: "Not everyone is super-women, just you."

June 13 - No class, sat around, worked on the magazine. Picked up Meg, and went to Rita's :). Natalie came over and we hung around my house for a while, while I worked on the last few articles. Hopped in the car and played ForgetMeNot's CD, well attempted to while Natalie's GPS led us in the wrong direction haha. We make it there without getting super lost. "How do we get in the show?" Behold the sketchy blue door :). Venue's fucking awesome though. Skate ramps, smoothies, video games (Natalie beat me in racing), pool tables, air hockey, etc., etc. It was in Columbia, if it was in Baltimore it'd probably be all messed up lol. When we walked in Caleb, Justin & Brett were all around one another... They were obviously trying to make it easy for us ahaha. We met a little boy named Elliott, he's 4, and Natalie started dating him til he dumped her hahaha. He's precious and is a drummer, and can dance, be jealous, girls! hahaha. Brett & Danny both came off stage during their set to dance with us. ForgetMeNot & The Second Sunrise have band crushes on one another and it's really really cute. FMN loves TSS more though ahahahah. Everyone kept giving Natalie shit because she had a curfew and we couldn't go to dinner. We hung out in the parking lot for quite some time, I mostly danced around to Senses Fail playing from someone's car. Lots & lots of hugs later, cuddled up with Caleb a bit, and Brett bit Natalie on the arm... then we leave. I sleep in the back seat. Make it home and drop Meg off before going on home and wanting to sleep SOOO bad. Worked on the magazine all night instead. Hating life up until the second the magazine was done. Went to bed when the sun came up. Happy Friday the 13th... Day Overall: 8

June 14 - Woke up at like 8:30 in the fucking morning, and got a bunch of shit done. Got yelled at for God knows what reason. Drank some Energy flavored Vitamin Water. Made a gazillion copies, made a shit load of money from magazine sales online. Like $75 :). Stopped and visited Stephani at work, invited her to go with me that night, not so much. Helped my aunt out with her internet connection, then kept going up Belair Road to the show. Plugged a CD player into the car and listened to some music I really missed. Made it up to Belair, wasn't too bad, some random rain, felt super awkward when I got there, because I've never been to a show in Belair except bash. Sat in Natalie's car with Derrick, and Nat's bff :). Got out of the car and talked to The Carbon Kin. Said hi to some kids I like. Chilled for a while, saw TCK play, bad acoustics in the venue. Everyone asked me what I was doing there and I said, do I ask you guys what you're doing in Baltimore everytime I see you there ahah? Chilled on the curb for a while eating pizza and hanging out, then left pretty early because I was exhausted. Almost got into a car accident on the way back, stopped and got gas then went to bed. Random texts while I tried to sleep about bands boys. Day Overall: 6

June 15 - Woke up and trekked to Timonium to work. Went to HonFest downtown and worked the Jack FM booth. It was cute. The guys running the icecream stand near us helped us load in because they think we're cute. The girl I worked with, Sheena, is really pretty. Texted for a while until my phone died. Read my book that I bought. "Why You're Still Single: The things your friends would tell you, if you promised not to get Mad," almost finished. Got home around 7 and there's a Lexus parked at my house. My uncle & aunt came over with the kids. So I said hi for a while, then went up to my room. Got some things done for my mommy and daddy as promised. Then talked to him... Yelled at him for being his normal flaky self. Then around 10 he came over. We hopped in my car and drove around just talking about stuff while I charged my Zune. Showed me his parents house, which I pass by every single day almost... Got back to my house and he came in but everyone was up so I couldn't just sit and talk to him. He did meet my rents though. How cute is that lol? Walking him out to his car, and I'm like UGH i need to talk to you but I can't. Eventually we sat on the curb and talked to a really long time. I started crying, which I did not want to do, but the image of his finger is in my mind... He cried too though, and I kept apologizing. It was a mess, I was a mess, the whole situation is a mess. So much doesn't even matter anymore. I'm really glad he's happy though. That's all that matters. Eventually, around 12:30 I finally came inside, got a lot of the answers I needed. Called Zack right after since Meg wasn't awake and I told him how it all went for like a half hour, then finally dozed off to bed. Day Overall: 7 | Quote of the Day: "Boys don't like me." "Ha, girls don't like me either but look at the situation I'm in."


I think Sunday might have been a day that changed my life. I love Natalie, Meg & Zack for being around for me these last few weeks, and the boys in The Second Sunrise & ForgetMeNot are great guys. Felt disgusting and tired all weekend. Finished the magazine up and it's good to see the magazine's sell well. Not much else to say about it all. Summer has been interesting so far, my emotions feel like they're on the floor. Feeling a bit void, feel like I want to forget some things, feel like I want to start over, feel like I want to move on.

"Because I'm In Too Deep, and I'm Trying To Keep Up Above In My Head"

June 2 - June 8

June 2 - Parents came in my room several times to talk to me while I was asleep so I had no recollection. Woke up to a lot of text messages which made me feel good. Feeling quite down. Got an awesome message from Substream magazine and it made my day :). Legit, much!? Cleaned the rest of the day then played The Sims and watched Gossip Girl & One Tree Hill. Pretty sure I played The Sims for the rest of the night. Day Overall: 6

June 3 - Had to take the bus to first day of classes. Took 45 minutes to get ten minutes away. It was quite obnoxious. Class wasn't too bad day one. Couple of kids from Patapsco in my class. Waited for my mom to pick me up. Wanted to nap but didn't quite make it, watched the MTV awards and it made me want to see Coldplay and reminded me that I need to watch more movies maybe? Watched The Jon Stewart show, decided Jon Stewart is a DILF, ate some dinner then went to bed before midnight to be up in time for school. Day Overall: 5

June 4 - Woke up at 4AM and worked on Scene Trash stuff til class. Dropped my mommy at work then went to class, talked to a certain boy all class, made a trip to Giant to buy Cinnamon Toast Crunch then dropped the car off to mommy. ended up talking to said boy for 5 hours, took a nap and got up around 5, and picked up my brother, then watched the thunderstorm and got work done. Talked him some more when I woke up and it's a simple fact that I'm completely in love with him and I hate myself for that. Went to bed fairly early because I was upset with myself. Day Overall: 5

June 5 - Dropped mommy off. Went to class, got upset because we were talking about love. Talked to said boy some more... Drove up to Timonium to drop papers off at work with no music because I let this one boy borrow my Zune charger. Stopped at Meg's on the way home and stayed there for like 2 hours, I even had pancakes and sausage! :). We made the best list of questions in the history of the world. Got home and tried to sleep couldn't concentrate ended up just watching TV til my aunt called and I went over there to help her with her computer. Got back home and ate Chik-fil-A, and finished cleaning. Got upset because a certain boy was supposed to come over, but of course he didn't. You'd think I'd be used to it now. Couldn't sleep all night because of it though. Day Overall: 6

June 6 - Woke up at 7AM, only getting 6 hours of sleep because I was upset. Waited around all day because I suck, cleaned some. Natalie & Meg came over and I grilled some more food. It was super cute. I did use all the lighter fluid, however lol. Daiquiris and hot dogs is just a good idea. Got all cute then we drove to Sonar and I didn't even get Natalie lost giving directions :)! Got there and it was pretty empty. Got a shout out from ForgetMeNot from stage. How cute are those boys!? Danced around a whole bunch and legit got called out from stage by Brett and Danny I picked Natalie's favorite song for her. During the show, three more of my top friends were there making it 5 so that was night. During Love & Reverie I got really sad about life (which is why I don't listen to chill music), so I just sat down and watched. A few friends came over to see what was wrong, I just said I was tired, which was true. Got up again to dance during Summer Driven. After the show I made the executive decision that we were going to Denny's, and also decided when it was time to leave. Natalie almost killed us all on the way there, so that was cute. Denny's was cute (as are Justin & Caleb), me and Meg sat down strategically haha. Caleb, me, Meg, Justin. It was a lot of fun, we were super loud and obnoxious, we sung along to My Chemical Romance - "Black Parade," and I halted all conversation when All Time Low came on in Denny's. slight tension when girlfriends were mentioned. Eventually we chilled in the parking lot for like an hour, me and Caleb held hands and he had his arm around me, as did Justin & Meg. We were all shooting each other the same looks, haha. Got home and slept on the couches with Natalie and we talked til we fell asleep. Day Overall: 9

June 7 - Woke up and did silly things with Natalie She left around noon. Felt overwhelmed and wanted to drive around. Sat around and watched America's Best Dance Crew all day. Went to Columbia mall with Monique. Since I had $9 in my bank account didn't actually buy anything ahah. Got home and wasted more of the day away watching MTV reality shows. Went to the movies with Zack to see The Stangers. It was silly, and I screamed and jumped a lot. Movie was dumb though lol. Sat in the car and talked to Zack for hours like we always do. I love that boy a whole lot, thank God for him and Meg because they've been keeping me sane for the last few weeks. So exhausted when I got home at 1, straight to bed. Day Overall: 7

June 8 - Woke up and watched the end of MTV awards finally, ate breakfast eventually. Went to kmart & to the ATM before Philly trip. Back home and Mo picked me up, and we went to my decidedly favorite venue, THE TROC :). Outside was YM&EWK, so we said hi. Inside had far too many people as always, said hi to the boys dream boy & the rest of his band, and the rest of the fucking tour because I know them all lol. Saw TONY :) love him, BQ too. Chilled out for a while until Every Avenue, then danced around to them & Just Surrender with Monique. SO hot in there. After the show talked to some kids, then went out side and scanned the crowded sidewalk for a band boy not talking to anyone, first stop was Dave, then Tony & BQ, Jimmie, Josh, etc etc. Talked to everyone and watched Ev Ave's stuff when they finally decided to load out after they got yelled at haha. Pool party talks? Lots of hugs from dream boy :). Philly fans are fucking crazy. Talked to Dan & Dan's little bro. They look so similar. I like those boys, got numbers chatted for a while, then I branched off...

Me: Wanna go to Wawa
Josh: Yes
We start walking, walk past Monique
Me: We're going to Wawa, wanna come?
Still walking
Monique: Yea, i'm coming.
Still walking
Me: Oh... Josh, josh we gotta wait... Monique's coming...

Wasn't expecting yes lol. Linked arms as tradition. Bought Josh some things as always, Monique bought Dave tea. Josh managd to call half the tour a name by the time we came back. Came back and I wanted to go back to Wawa just to buy Dave things because he looked so sad that we went without him lol. Don't really remember what else happened, but eventually we got out of there. Stopped at Alexa's and had a delectable meal at Waffle House, so that was cute. Home around like 3? Day Overall: 10

This week was full of inner turmoil over a boy, and it still wasn't resolved. Great seeing dream boy, always makes it a ten day, (he remembered the kite) & my best friend though. Nice meeting the boys in ForgetMeNot, not like I need another boy like that. I love Meg, Natalie & Zack a whole lot for being there for me, because I've been going nuts lately. I felt myself putting everything on hold, and storing things on credit. Like I'll get that now and pay later but then a week passes and I still have to make up for that. That probably doesn't make sense to anyone, but it does to me. Borrowed time I guess? I wish I didn't always feel stretched so thin, but it's the life I lead.

CAST OF CHARACTERS PART 7

CAST OF CHARACTERS PART 7

Monique (she has a blog too!), age 23, sometimes referred to as Mo, or my big sis. Her Likes include spontaneity, shows, shoes, boys who dress nice and/or can dance, designing. Her dislikes include gas prices, her job, red dye #40, germs, selfishness. She's probably the best person to ever enter my life, and I love her. She's the one that makes sense of situations and makes things alright and my dancing partner. She may also crush your dreams, and break your heart but hey, deal with it.

Stephani, age 19--often referred to as Steph or Asian girl! Her likes include her little red Saturn, local band boys, Hello Kitty, and leopard print. Her dislikes include girls that look like her, blonde girls, girls in general, curfews, Long Horn Steak house. This girl gets me into more trouble than anyone I know, but my parents love her as do I. When we go out the most ridiculous things happen but we've always got a story to tell and another night we don't quite make curfew.

Zack, age undisclosed. His likes include his bass, text messaging, vests, urban outfitters, lurking, really cheesy puns. His dislikes include closed-minded people, dial up internet, MySpace Captcha's. Zachary is small and awkward and always there to listen. I know this because I talk to him constantly. He's the responsible one in his band which is slightly scary and has a sunny disposition constantly. He'll do anything for his friends and probably knows more about you than your close friends and you'll never know how he does it ;-).

Natalie, age 18--often referred to as Natalie Aja! Her likes include obscure indie music, boys from Britain, Chuck Bass & Gossip Girl, sundresses, her camera. Her dislikes include her own awkwardness, mean people, people in the way of her taking pictures, being recognized. This girl is probably the most naturally beautiful girl I've ever met. She's tiny, and smart and absolutely adorable. She's also significantly awkward and never notices that boys are madly in love with her.

Meg, age 17--often referred to as Meg Notorious! Her likes include band boys (but not on purpose), high heels, dancing, coffee, shopping, and cigarettes. Her dislikes include band boys (only because they suck), current music, anxiety, being ignored, ex boyfriends, bad grammar. This girl is the even louder version of me that doesn't listen to pop, if that makes sense? lol. She listens to me bitch and we have the same taste in boys. She was born exactly 363 after I was, or a year minus 2 days. Honestly, she just understands.

Alexa, age 22--MS. SUNSHINE! Her likes include bands you'll never listen to, booty shorts, saying legit, boys from other states, Denny's, Sonic, cupcakes, hearts, stars, horeseshoes, clovers, etc. etc. Her dislikes include Baltimore, scene kids, Baltimore bands, headband and co., waking up before 1, sleeping before 3, fakes, backstabbers & liars. Ms. Sunshine is tall awkward and lanky and will still kick your ass if you fuck her over, she hates your band, and will probably be in school forever. She's gonna will grow up to be the bitter old person who talks about how good music ended 30 years ago. One day, she's gonna move and find a legit job and not tell a soul. Get stoked!

Mandy, age 21, also known as Mandy Sin. Her likes include her bright red hair, her Mac Book, her camera, Tim Burton, make up, cherries. Her dislikes include headband & co., people who use others, people who rip off her style, groupies & sluts, skinny bitches. You'll notice her when she walks into that show and takes your guest list spot, she's loud and outspoken, feisty, come on... she IS a read head. Ms. Sin is all about big sunglasses and bright hair!

xoxo
christine

"We're Out of Time and I Can't Breathe"

April 28 - June 1

Welp, I'm too lazy to update the last month or so. So I'll recap from April 28 to June 1st in this one long ass post.

Weeks One & Two: I registered for Fall classes, got fucked over by Marc, saw Panic at the Disco. Saw Every Avenue (and dream boy), once, twice, three, four, five, six times in eight days. Bamboozle was awesome, met a cute boy from NZ. Did a lot of homework, got really depressed, watched a lot of movies. Started a text blog. Went to Hamilton by myself. Danced around to The Hint, missed my friends. Saw a boy I shouldn't see.

Weeks Three & Four: Saw You Me & Everyone We Know. Those boys are so fucking talented. Win at life! More finals and homework. Party with the roommate, she threw up alot. Packed up my shit, saw The Dangerous Summer, danced like crazy with Meg. Got upset with Zack, cried a lot. Worked on the magazine. Freaked out a whole lot. Went to Chicago, didn't see/do anything. Listened to CDs I couldn't for a while. Super depressed, missed my friends some more. Sat around. Hung out with Stephani & Meg a whole lot. Met a boy. Bought cute dresses. Met another cute boy, not so much. Finally saw Monique (really really missed her).

Week Five: People I wasn't expecting missed me. Talked to Natalie alot. Started talking to Zack again. Saw a boy I shouldn't. Online meeting with the new staff, dinner with Zack. Went to new job, dinner with Meg. Sat around some more. Hamilton on Saturday with Joshua, left and came back, Sam's Club trip. Epic party at Jeff's. Had a cookout, figured out how to cook with coals. Complained to Zack all Sunday night about this one boy, and about how no one invites me anywhere.

The common thread every week was me being depressed, but I realized I have some awesome really good friends like Meg, Natalie & Josh. Our new staff is great. There's a few ten days sprinkled in there somewhere, mostly seeing dream boy. Getting shit done with Scene Trash. Crazy awesome month honestly. Missed my best friends a lot, especially Monique. Mentally, I know I'm still really screwed up, but I feel so much better when I'm driving. I'm in the same situation I've been in for 2 years, but now it's getting crucial, and I hope that June is the month that ties up so many loose ends, because I'm bad at waiting, and I'm frantically running toward those amazing things waiting in the horizon.

xoxo
christine

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