Text Blog!

I'm probably not going to get around to updating this until after finals next week, sorry! In the meantime, I have a new text message blog with my short candid thoughts and observations, and you can find out what I'm doing by lurking me on Twitter. I'll still keep up with this but I won't have time until summer.

"Tell Me Doctor How To Shake A Waking Nightmare That Is Only Worse When I Am Sleeping?"

If I could just figure out what makes me happy, it'd solve every problem. If more than just the company of others could bring a smile to my face, everything would be perfect. Sadly, the need for company causes so many of my problems. If I could learn to be happy with myself and my own thoughts I'd no longer be sad, I'd no longer feel lonely, I'd no longer feel anxious, I'd no longer be scared.

There's not much scarier than being left to my own thoughts. I wonder, what makes other people happy? When do wants become needs? When do you become a threat to yourself? When does sadness become depression? What happens when all your fears come true?

I've found myself saying this a lot lately:

All my biggest fears have already happened to me.

If that's the case, who's to say my fears are illogical? Who's to say it's all in my head? Does it mean there's something wrong with me? Did I make it all happen?

When every feeling, thought and action is uncertain and contingent, how do you know who you are anymore? If I just close my eyes and face forward, how long will it take to get there? If I just let all my fears happen, what's there left to lose? If I just hit bottom, how long will it take to climb back up all by myself? If I eliminate the possibility, will I feel better or worse? What if I just stop living and just try to get by?

How long until I can't take it anymore? If it all feels better when I sleep, when does it get to the point where it's not worth waking up anymore?