I Wake Up To Find It's Another Four Aspirin Morning, and I Dive In

I'm obviously too busy to update daily, and by the time I get a free minute I think, might as well wait til the end of the month. I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm just going to write about days that need to be written about. I have a calendar & twitter to know what I'm doing on a daily basis now.

Maybe I'll still have the numbers system, maybe not, but it'll be much better insight into my life than just a recap.

"We're at the Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn"

So this weekend turned out to be more ridiculous than last weekend. Didn't even think that was possible. Wednesday & Thursday were the last two days of the Traveling Talent Show Tour. Def shouldn't have gone Wednesday because I had tons of homework, but hey what's done is done. Thursday, surprised Monique with a room at the Sheraton for her birthday. Champagne, banners, balloons, silliness. Dinner care of the hotel, so expensive, waiter was silly. Headed to the show, ridiculous dancing, like no one there. Everyone headed to Rec Room after. Me & Alexa went back to the hotel. Sara took me back to get my car, rounded up more of my friends shoved them in my car, listened to them psuedo-argue, ended up almost getting kicked out of the hotel. Monique lost her purse so we went searching, then me and Erica eventually fell asleep at the hotel.

Monique's birthday was the next night, tons of dancing, a game of Uno, yummy food. Went to another party full of people I hate, so I came back and appreciated my friends a whole lot more haha. Monique had a good birthday, and I was super excited about that :D. Left pretty early around 2AM and decided on Poughkeepsire the next day.

Next day POUGHKEEPSIE! So silly. Met up with Fiona and Erica in the AM & journeyed ridiculously far north. We passed the nice Marriott for the EconoLodge, so sketchy. Dinner at the bar, taxi rides, costumes, ridiculousness. The boys' set cut short, but dancing occurred anyway. Back to the bar, dancing in the venue that turned into a club for Halloween. Santa Claus was a fox. Random kid followed us into the bar. Finally went back to the hotel. Sweet hangz, 30-pack, tons of flirting, hand holding, tons of dancing, back massages, jumping on the bed, kissed a cute boy, good night. Breakfast at Friendly's in the morning with a useless waiter. Took a bus home from Philly and Rae picked me up. Made for a great weekend. November is gonna be wonderful, clearly.

It feels so good to be back in the real world after the past two weeks of ridiculousness that occured. I love my friends so much, and it's been so great spending multiple days with all of them. This weekend I'm gonna make some money, next weekend, more sweet hangs obviously--stoked on Fall, actually. In the past two weeks, I've been to six states, driven hundreds of miles, and spent hundreds of dollars. All worth it.

"There's A Party In Your Bedroom All Night Long"

So I spent Thursday through Sunday in one of my favorite cities, Philadelphia. Fiona (and her family) was gracious enough to let me sleep on her couch, mostly while she was at work.

Thursday I hiked up to Hangar 84 like I do every month to see Farewell hahaha. Great innocent txt flirting occured before-hand as always, he was looking good Thursday night too because it was the first day of tour. Got called out in person by Buddy due to our flirting. Felt awful that there was no one at the show, I think I jinx them though. Got super lost on the way up there because I took Business 1 instead of regular 1, but I made it after driving through a toll booth, and then stopping in Cecil County (KKK capital of the world), to get cash. Told Farewell that if they play Hangar on their next tour, I'm not coming; even though I probably will...

Next day spent the day writing papers, Fiona came home and we ventured into the city! I drove, and didn't kill us. Grabbed sushi with Erica & Rachel. Said hi to Tron (& Nathan), ran into the rest of the guys throughout the night. Favorites. Never been able to stand on the floor at The Troc before, so that was new. Found out there's an actual talent show portion of the Traveling Talent Show tour. It's not pleasant. Roof after party! Absolute insanity, saw tons of friends I love, keg in the bathtub. Peeing off the roof, smashing chairs & glasses, trying to break glass tables. Got hit on. Made new friends. Got my ass grabbed, kissed on the cheek, saw my best friends, feared for Denny's life, was semi-proposed to. Amazing night, obviously.

Saturday, went to lunch with Shanae, picked her up from Temple and went to iHop. Told her about the past two days in which she asked why I had not kissed any of these boys. I had to explain that I can't, which sucks sometimes, but always for the better haha. Fiona came home from work, naptime, then off to Central Jersey. I drove again in the rain at night with Rachel and Fiona! Never been to Highline Ballroom before so that was a nice venue change. I did more flirting than I should have, and LOLing at Cash Cash quotes since they were sitting next to me. Tons of ridiculous dancing.
Very surprised that all the band members survived the night prior. "I saw your penis like six times last night" "I saw video of my penis like six times."

After the show, me, Fiona & Rachel were sketchballs in the car. Soon after had to call Car Call, after encountering certain boys. "Look at you in that dress... ready to give it up yet?" I have no idea why boys think it's okay to say these things to me, but I kind of like it to be honest, though I can't even think about touching him. Before calling Car Call I gave Joshua, Season 1 of Curb Your Enthusiasm, which he was beyond stoked about, he's gonna "watch the shit out of it" :)

That basically sums up my awesome weekend with revealing pretty much anything hahaha. It was fantastic though, stoked for this weekend, which is definetely going to be even better.

"Like a Scene In a Movie, You're Just One of Many"

2PM - My not-boyfriend texted me, to tell me he misses me and even though I'm crazy he still loves me. Wonderful, but he still doesn't have time to talk to me right now because he's busy with work.

5PM - Upon hearing from his friend that he's bad at responding to texts and phone calls, I texted Chris and he apologized for being so busy and not having time for everyone. However, he still didn't pick a date for us to go out again so I'll take it with a grain of salt.

5:30PM - Ran into Jason, who oddly enough I find less attractive now. We caught up since we haven't had a free minute to talk in forever. I mentioned that there may be a boy in my life but we changed that topic very quickly. He talked about England & I talked about touring this summer. He still has these amazing eyes though.

And here comes the big one...

6PM - I get an email from Adam. Seriously, what the fuck? This boy did his best to ignore me for almost a year, prior to that we didn't talk for maybe two, and he decided to email me back yesterday? He said a lot of shit I've heard from him before and from every other guy, and I have a feeling this is a bad idea, like I say everytime he pops into my life, but I can't not talk to him. First love = big fucking deal.

So that was my yesterday. Four guys, all unplanned popped into my life, like a fucking romantic comedy.

This Took A Really Long Time

10 things you want to say to 10 different people; no names:

1. I would give up absolutely everything to be with you. I know it's insane but it's true.
2. You really fucking bug me. Something about you and your invasion of my world, no matter how small, really annoys me, and I wish you and your angsty attitude would gtfo.
3. Of all the people that have left me in my life, I miss you the most, and I know we'll never be friends again, but I hope deep down somewhere you miss me too, because we were good together, and you understood me, not alot of people get me.
4. No one in the world makes me feel more insecure than you. I'm always afraid I'm going to say the wrong thing, so I've stopped saying anything. I love you though, and you deserve the world.
5. Remember that time we were friends, that was cool. I don't blame you though, we don't like the same things anymore.
6. You're the only friend that has never made me feel insecure, so thank you so much for that. I know you worry about where you life is going, but I think once you really figure out what you want to do, you'll be amazing at it.
7. What is your purpose? Put some fucking clothes on. Stop being a slut. Stop talking shit. Get a job, an education, and a life. You can't put the amount of guestlists you've been on, on a resume so good fucking luck when your parents cut you off, whore.
8. I can honestly say the moment I met you, I felt this unbelievable connection. I think you felt it to. I think about you alot and I miss the summer we met and the conversations we had that made us feel like we'd known each other forever.
9. I think we could be best friends. Let's make this happen ASAP, so I can fly out and visit you sometime soon.
10. I hope you actually exist somewhere, and like to hold hands and cuddle. I hope you like warm weather and will move to the Carolinas with me, and let me cook for you, and make caramel apples with me. I hope you'll read the magazine cover to cover, and be as passionate about something as I am. One day, I hope you propose to me at Warped Tour and let me play Fall Out Boy songs at our wedding.

Nine Things About Yourself:

1. I see my flaws in others and it makes me not like them. My best friends are people that counter the flaws I possess.
2. Pete Wentz has described my personality in five albums better than I could ever describe it, myself.
3. I hate sports, beaches, children, animals, pets, comedies, ALL holidays and most other happy things people love.
4. For the most part, when I meet females, I immediately hate them, until they're proven to be neither fangirl or whore.
5. I've kissed alot of boys I probably shouldn't have, but I would bet money you couldn't name three of them.
6. I've never consumed a drop of alcohol (that wasn't from a medicine bottle), I've never smoked a cigarette, or done an illegal drug.
7. I often settle for good enough. I never do more than what's required to get what I want.
8. I'm incredibly jaded. I don't believe boys ever really fall in love with girls. I believe everyone has malicious intent, and the world is full of awful human beings.
9. I'm very ambitious, and because of that, I think I'm better than a lot of people.

Eight Ways To Win My Heart:

1. Don't play games. Don't wait three days to call. Don't say you're busy when you're not. Don't make me feel insecure by not calling when you say you will, or waiting hours to respond to a text.
2. Make me feel wanted and needed.
3. Tell me when I'm being crazy and irrational.
4. Go anywhere with me. To the grocery store, to a museum, to a movie. Anywhere at all, I hate being alone.
5. Don't judge me or take advantage of me.
6. Talk as much as I do. I want to know everything about you, so just tell me.
7. Have enough confidence to sing and dance in public, or at least with me in private.
8. Be passionate about anything, have a purpose, have dreams and goals.

Seven Things That Cross Your Mind A lot:

1. What I should be doing that I'm not
2. My agenda for the day
3. Feeling lonely/anxious
4. Why certain people walked out on me
5. What people are doing and didn't invite me to
6. What text messages I sent that weren't responded to
7. Things I fucked up in the past/Bridges I burned

Six Things You Wish You Never Did:

1. Be optimistic about alot of people
2. Kiss certain boys for the wrong reasons
3. Rely on people
4. Spend too much money
5. Care so much about people that don't care about me
6. Get into this music scene

Five Turn Offs:

1. Being a cliche
2. Spending more time on the internet than in the real world
3. Closed-mindedness
4. Being lazy
5. Apathy

Four Turn Ons:

1. Confidence
2. Ambition
3. Spontaneity
4. Curiosity

Three Smileys That Describe Your Life:

1. :-\
2. :D
3. D:

Two Things You Want To Do Before You Die:

1. Be in a real relationship
2. Get a therapist

One Confession:

1. Everyday I want to disappear, but I'm scared to death of being alone, because I can't stand being with myself.

"In the Car I Just Can't Wait, to Pick You Up On Our Very First Date"

Sunday, I went out on a legitimate date for the first time in probably three years or so. It was really nice. We went to the arcade, saw a movie, stopped at Denny's, watched his favorite show's Season Premiere. He paid for everything, we shared an Icee (he let me pick the flavor), we held hands and danced in the parking lot, and he held every door open for me.

A lot of cuddling and kissing occurred, as well as a discussion about what I was looking for, because I managed to find the complete opposite of a band boy. He's in the fucking military and would have to leave for training for weeks at a time! But, just before you think we have nothing in common, we sat in his car talking about our love of great leaders like Caesar, while listening to My Chemical Romance. I told him about Warped Tour and he was pretty much astounded with my life, and we also had a moment where we realized our radio presets were almost exactly the same. I like him, and he's a wonderful kisser, and intelligent. He's straight-forward--he calls when he says he will and responds to text messages. I feel like this is how adults handle relationships and dating, as opposed to ridiculous band boys, haha.

So I'm pretty sure he's not that into me due to a lack of serious communication since said date. Normally, I would be super dooper upset about this but I've been reading a great self help book, How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You in 90 Minutes or Less. It's not as ridiculous as it sounds, I promise. But basically, if something doesn't work out with someone the book says, it's not because you're flawed but because they're just not the person you're supposed to be with, and you can move on.

I met him at a party I went to a few weeks back--a party I almost didn't go to because I was feeling down about myself, but it turned out to be a great experience. (I can thank Louis almost entirely for encouraging me to go). Although I do hope this works out, (even though I've already done my routine delete number so I don't over text), I know I won't be devastated if it doesn't. It was absolutely lovely going on a date though, it was nice to get pretty for a reason, and to kiss a cute boy. It was a good experience, and it reassured me that there are some boys out there that find me attractive, interesting, funny, and would like to take me out on a date. I was incredibly worried for quite sometime that there wasn't.